It is Monday afternoon, and I am about a third of the way through completing what I need to do for today.

I thought I’d take a break…and frame my week before I keep going.

At least before I make another pot of coffee…

Last week was really good…but also really hard.  Ben was gone for a very long time, doing super-awesome Ben stuff, and although I was just having a normal week at home with the kids and I wasn’t doing anything particularly extraordinary…it is harder without having him around to keep me going.  When he is gone I don’t have the encouraging smile.  I can’t talk to him during the day, I can’t cuddle with him on the couch.  The nights are cold and lonely.  And, to make it worse, the app Find Friends is completely unhelpful.

I KNOW HE ISN’T IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SOUND!  STOP FREAKING ME OUT!

Thank you, HGTTG.

So, this week we begin again!

We are starting an Algebra book in school today, which is super exciting!  It’s a little early, granted, but I have just had this feeling that the older kids were ready to be introduced to it.  We have done a few pages so far, and although I had to google “algebraic expression” this morning, they are rolling with it and I think we’re going to do great!

Also, the oldest is getting into this Sherlock Holmes book I found; and I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am about this.  But I can’t freak out over it because it might scare her off from reading, so I have to have this calm, yet enthusiastically supportive exterior that shows I am proud of her and not going mad doing cartwheels inside my head.

I’ve done some school work with the younger kids, done 1 (of 3) loads of dishes, made breakfast (cinnamon pancakes), lunch (soup), put on a bra and made coffee.

So, I’m doing pretty good for noon!

credit

The main problem I’m facing right now is the emotional drain that has been slowly creeping over me during the days.

Last week we were going back and forth between our agent, and the sellers agent, and the seller, back to her agent, back to our agent, back to us all about house inspections, and septic inspections, and problems the septic has and what needs to be fixed, and mold problems, and then well inspections, and documentation of well developments.  Then signing papers,and resigning, and rewording the papers and changing the figures and signing it again.

Our agent is amazing, and he is doing a fantastic job getting things done quickly and efficiently, and he is making this whole process as easy as possible for us.

But it is still a lot of work for everyone involved, and that is one thing taking its toll on me.

The worst right now is that our community of people have let go of us, and that’s a little sad.  We aren’t gone yet, but we will be.  So it might be easier for them to let go now.

I have to remind myself, and a few very wonderfully lovely friends whom I love so much and am so grateful to have them in my life have reminded me that even though it is hard to watch some people go, it (and these are my words) doesn’t mean I suck with relationships.  It just means sometimes some people are here for a season.  And that’s okay.  I wasn’t looking forward to saying goodbye, and it isn’t easy when people say goodbye months before you have left…but, honestly, that’s life.

What I am looking forward to is where we are going.

We have already made a ton of friends in our new home, we are on the same page with the families there and I have already been invited to coffee when we arrive.  My kids keep asking when we can visit friends when we move, and if we can invite them to the next birthday party (yes!!).  I am looking forward to getting to know families we already know better, other families who are homeschooling, families who are drawn to island life, and just kick ass people Ben has gotten to know already.  It is abundantly clear we are being led to our people, and….although I am trying not to heroize, or immortalize the future…I am still very excited for what it holds for us.

So today, I am going to rip off a tag and take what I need.  Just for today.  I have a feeling it will be the tag of “courage,” or “healing,” or “understanding.”  Tomorrow, I will take what I need to frame the day.  Just for tomorrow.

So, yesterday I was hitting “random” on Reddit, and it took me to /r/goats.

Which is not where I need to be.

Because I have wanted goats for years.  I have gone to seminars on backyard homesteading.  I have gone to presentations at the Maker Faire for backyard goats.  I know how to take care of goats.  I know how to deworm them. I have learned how to milk them.  I know how to make cheese from said milk (I am a total sucker for goat cheese.  In big ways.)

I am so ready for goats.

Unfortunately, my house is not zoned for goats.

Oh hey! I want to improve my life and introduce my children to amazing things like gardening, and canning, and cooking and raising chickens…and raising goats. Except the city hasn’t zoned our house for goats.  I see.

So I was just thinking…like, realistically and all:

When we move,  will I actually choose  to get pygmy goats, or will I get a corgi puppy?

I asked the kids, and they were no help.  They said “BOTH.”

And I can totally understand why.

On one hand, you have pygmy goats.

Pro: Very cute, friendly, a great family pet.  Eats foliage, but is a browser not a grazer.  This means, they clip the tops of grass, unlike a horse that eats down to the roots.  Doesn’t get too big, don’t bite, gives you milk, very fun to have around.  Will always cheer you up.

Con: Can jump. Which means, you will probably find them on your kitchen counters at some point.  Might eat your couch.  Or your coffee pot.

And on the other hand, you have corgi puppies.

Pro: Very good size dog. Friendly, good with kids.  Spunky, but not seriously high energy.  Fuzzy.  Cuddly. Wonderful family companion.  Can go on walks and swimming, plays fetch.

Con: House training,mostly.

So, which would you choose?  Pygmy goats or Corgi puppies?

Unless you think I should just do both…

Herding dog!

Well, time is coming to theme next year!

2014 was to be more fun.  Find and really capture the joy in life, and I think we did that pretty well.

2013 was to love more, and that was a very helpful exercise.

2012 was the bigger picture, and I really enjoyed that year. That definitely broadened our hearts for bigger ideas and a bigger world.

2011 was when I started this whole theme business, and (had to think for a second…what was the theme back then…) that was “Build A Better Story.”  And that was what started this all.

So, here we are coming to 2015, and there are big plans coming up.

Big plans.

We are moving to a forest.  On an island.

I am so happy I could puke…this is what we have always wanted, and we are doing it.

A home, on an island.  Just for us.

You know you are an introvert, when….

The thing is, I could take this year one of two ways.

On one hand, I could say: “This is it.  This is where we have arrived, and we made it.  It is finally time to grow up and have set routines, and a vacuuming schedule, and exercise rituals…it is time for kale salad recipes!”

On the other hand…and I’m just being open about this, I’m kinda swinging this way…we are living in a forest on an island: “This is it. This is where we have arrived, and we made it…we can finally get away from vacuuming schedules and kale salad recipes!!”

Before I begin the next comment, I will give a big, fat disclaimer and say that I have loved the house we are living in now.  I had 3 pregnancies and 3 babies in this house, we have had 6 Christmases, quite a few birthday parties, gardens, chickens, whiskey in the backyard during the summer and nights in front of the fire in the winter.  It has been good for us here, in no uncertain terms.

However.  The thing I have hated most about this town is the lack of…hope, I guess.  Hope for a bigger world, hope for a better world, hope for a more interesting future.  The mother’s groups I’ve tried to attend have grown up here, and they are raising their kids here.  They aren’t going anywhere…I just don’t know how to do that.  Staying here, and walking these streets, for the rest of my life….forever…is the worst feeling. Ever.

 Panic…setting in….

There is just the core fiber of me that… doesn’t want to grow up.

Oh sure, I can do meal planning…I mean, you kinda have to in our house, otherwise the kids are eating PB&J for dinner every night.

Apparently, she wanted another sandwich after lunch….we’re kinda independent, free-spiritish over here.

On facebook this morning, I was looking at the innumerable lists of cleaning schedules, food staple for $5 a week schedules, and  2-Week Healthy Detox Meal Planning, and it’s all recipes with crockpot oatmeal, or something with cauliflower crust (no, that is a bad idea) for dinner…and kale salad. With a smoothie infused with those seeds.  What are they called…gah, I can’t remember.

Anyway, it’s all boring, grown up stuff.  That is squishy and tastes bland.

And…growing up is the pits.

It totally is!  Wouldn’t you rather be riding your bike through a forest, discovering squirrel holes and chasing owls??

If you said no, then this post isn’t for you.  Maybe you should go…mop a floor, or something.

Listen, there is something magical about being a kid.  You don’t have to worry about taxes, or vacuuming, or the future or what you are having for dinner.  Mom and Dad have that taken care of for you.

So, my idea for this year is: how do I get back to adding magic to life, without sacrificing basic adult responsibilities?

My purpose as a parent is to love my kids; and that means I need to teach them how to feed themselves, how to dress themselves, how to learn, how to think, how to have responsibilities they are held accountable to.  All of this builds their character and integrity, and they will be (I mean, God-willing) happy, responsible adults who build their own lives out of their own dreams.

So this year is going to be the balance of Magic and Meal-Planning.

I don’t believe you have to choose between the two: I believe there can be a balance, and this year is going to be devoted to finding that balance.

It’ll be fun 🙂

I’m in a Tom Waits mood…

We were created for a reason. 

Christmas is upon us, and you might feel overwhelmed with things these days.

Gifts? Finances?  Decorating?  Parties…?

Listen, it can all be too much if you let it.  But fear not!  For you are a Platypus!

Of course you are going to dominate the season and come out the victor.

Here are 5 Golden Platypus Rings of Christmas to help you get there.

1. Kick That Negativity In The Teeth…”Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.“

Normally, I would say this kind of hippy, lovey-dovey, positive thinking is hogwash.

Hogwash!! 

But the truth of the matter is, it does have a spark of truth to it.

Christmas is always tough for me, because…and this is being completely honest… this is what I want:

I want a house full to the brim with family.

15 Aunts, 15 uncles, 50 cousins, old as dirt grandparents making inappropriate jokes, one person with too much old perfume, a kitchen busy with pots and pans, the football game in the living room and the 4th pot of coffee brewing.

Do none of them have any personal boundaries?? So much touching…goodness gracious.

But if you are a Gen X’er, you don’t have this.

You have a few divorced and remarried blended families, your family lives hundreds/thousands of miles apart, and you don’t hear from the couple of older cousins you do have.

              “Gen Xers spent less time with their parents than previous generations of children had. First                                 recognized as latchkey kids, this generation found themselves home alone and taking care of                               themselves and their siblings, while their parents worked. Divorce was common. They were not                         coddled for every emotional need and want. Gen Xers learned that their parents were human and                     fallible and often found themselves treating their parents like older friends. Autonomy and self-                           reliance, rather than respect for authority, was a natural byproduct of the Generation X childhood.“

There might be the negative thoughts that start clutching at your hems and dragging you down around Christmas, and you have to find the positive thoughts to give you the strength…to kick those negative thoughts in the teeth.

Because that’s what a positive, Gen X person does.

Guess who my inspiration was when I was a lass?

2. Appreciation Goes A Lot Farther Than You’d Think

The Harvard Business Review is awesome.

“Feeling genuinely appreciated lifts people up. At the most basic level, it makes us feel safe, which is           what frees us to do our best work. It’s also energizing. When our value feels at risk, as it so often does,               that worry becomes preoccupying, which drains and diverts our energy from creating value.”

Quick summary of their breakdown:

“So what are the practical steps you can take, especially as a manager, to use appreciation in the service of building a higher-performing (and more sustainable) team?

1. As the Hippocratic oath prescribes to physicians, “Above all else, do no harm.” The costs of devaluing others are so great that we need to spend far more time thinking than we do now about how to hold people’s value, even in situations where they’ve fallen short and our goal is get them to change their behavior for the better.

2. Practice appreciation by starting with yourself. If you have difficulty openly appreciating others, it’s likely you also find it difficult to appreciate yourself.

3. Make it a priority to notice what others are doing right. For example, start by thinking about what positive qualities, behaviors and contributions you currently take for granted among the members of your team. Then ask yourself, what is it that each of them uniquely brings to the table?

4. Be appreciative. The more specific you can be about what you value — and the more you notice what’s most meaningful to that person — the more positive your impact on that person is likely to be. A handwritten note makes a bigger impression than an email or a passing comment, but better any one of them than nothing at all.”

And finally,

“We’re all more vulnerable and needy than we like to imagine. Authentically appreciating others will make you feel better about yourself, and it will also increase the likelihood they’ll invest more in their work, and in you. The human instinct for reciprocity runs deep.”

3. Comma, Comma, Comma, Comma,Comma Charisma….

I love being around people who make me feel better when I see them.

I don’t know if I have this charm…maybe sometimes. But genuinely charismatic people are inspiring to me, and the best I can do is learn from them.

Another Gen X role model.

“When you think of charisma, you might think of trying to make yourself seem super awesome to others. But the paradoxical secret of charisma is that it’s not about trumpeting your good qualities, but making the other person feel good about himself. Real charisma makes the other person feel important; when they finish an interaction with you, they feel better about themselves than they did before.”

 

          The truth is, we like ourselves and we like talking about ourselves. The people in your life that you find             likable and charismatic, though, let you be yourself and let you talk about yourself. Be positive, shut                down your ego, and give your full attention. It really is that simple.“

4. But, You Might Want To Start With Yourself, Cowboy.

Be nice to others this season.

Also, be nice to yourself.

5. DEMAND JOY.

…Maybe buy it a latte, too?  Might as well make friends with joy, while you’re at it.

Why not?

I am not a martyr-type person, so it is either going to be a sucky situation…that I change…or it is a situation of joy.

There is no qualms on my part changing things if they aren’t working.  Change is a good thing!

And that will bring joy, in itself.  Go ahead and demand joy.

For you, for me, and definitely for Colbert.