Recently we got to know a couple who are both INFP.
Which is crazy. Mostly because both Ben and I are INTJ…
and if you have never met an INTJ, it is simply because they didn’t want to be met. INTJ individuals are fantastic, although a little withdrawn and a tad peculiar. If you are okay with this, then we will be the bestest and most dedicated friends on earth.
INTJs are also frustrating. They are aloof. They are quirky. They are blunt. They can seem superior. They are etherial…
…they speak of themselves in the third person…
but they are also staunchly loyal, deeply caring and invested in relationships far beyond what is actually necessary. So being married to another INTJ just makes sense to me. We get it. Logic makes everything better, and we live in this logic world where we justify everything to death. Because we love it. And I can tell you why in a 25 page dissertation.
When I meet other people, it is just incredible to observe them and watch how they react or respond to life.
(this is solely an INTJ response. It’s horrible)
INFPs work in such different ways than from INTJs. They can actually be compassionate for a living and not lose their minds working out the logic of the situation. It is simply incredible to witness because it is so different. I need a flow chart of compassion: not to distance myself from the situation, but to make sure every possible scenario has been accounted for, documented and acknowledged.
That is the main problem with us INTJs, is that we are extremely thorough. With some things, it is acceptable. For work or projects, I can see how being overly thorough can be a huge benefit. However, when it comes to personal relationships this meticulous methodology can come off as rather robotic in nature, if not micro-managing and even oppressive. The alternative is to not be meticulous, and then we seem stand-offish. It’s a tough balance, and I think most of us make it work out in the end.
Where am I going with this…
The other day I was reading this article on how to clean your house.
I hate cleaning my house. It. Is. So. Tedious. I should be cleaning it right now, and I’m not. Oh, it’ll get done. Just not now.
So, I’m reading this article on how to clean your house, and I’m just laughing at it. Because the entire point of the article was “Top 10 Ways Your Friends Are Judging You Based On How Clean Your House Is.”
Which is ridiculous. What friend comes over and judges you because you have dust on your baseboards? Who checks to see if there is dust behind your spice jars in the kitchen? Would you want them over, just to judge you for menial nonsense, in the first place?
Listen. From an INTJ perspective, I just don’t care. People are taken care of here. Ben is the most amazing husband on earth. I’m not too bad a cook, myself. The kids are very loved. We do fun stuff, we take care of our chores and schoolwork, and we enjoy fun and healthy meals together.
At the end of the day, I am looking at my family, not my baseboards.
A few years ago I was in a mother’s group, and the leader always had a pretty tidy house. We finally asked her about it, and she was totally honest: she hid everything. The dirty dishes in the sink? If someone was coming over, she would put all the dishes into a bucket and put the bucket into the bathtub and close the curtains. Dirty pans go into the oven. Toys go into the hall closet. Laundry on the couch gets thrown on top of the toys.
It was actually pretty ingenious at the time. I had a few young kids, and zero time to tend to the house…so I totally implemented a few of these procedures. Although, the look on Ben’s face when he found the dishes in the bathtub was a nebula of confusion.
The thing is, by now it really isn’t that big of a deal to me anymore. The house gets taken care of for the most part, and when I have time I really make an effort to clean a little better if we are having guests. But if you are a friend and you pop over during the day, you are going to find a messy kitchen. There will be peanut butter on my kitchen tablecloth. There may be blankets on the stairs.
Because that is life around here! And I figure friends are friends because we like each other…not because I convince you that my house is immaculate. I figure a round of wine and a few brownies I made earlier, and never cleaned up after, goes farther than hiding dishes in the bathtub when it comes to building authentic relationships.
That’s just my $.02 for this afternoon. Cheers 🙂