What My New, Programmable Coffee Pot Taught Me About My Entitled, Jerk Self

On April 21, 2015July 11, 2015 By Tamarah RockwoodIn As A Woman3 Comments

This article originally appeared on Ravishly.

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How My Programmable Coffee Pot Revealed My Entitled, Jerk Self

Entitled coffee, at its finest

Yesterday I had two errands, on top of my list of my usual Homeschooling-SAHM list of things to do:

• Kids martial arts from 3-4:30

• Target, to buy a new coffee maker

My husband and I have a heap of children together, and when it came time to begin school, we threw in the towel of convention and we decided to homeschool them all. It isn’t a big leap for me, since I love teaching and actually enjoyed being a substitute teacher for public and private schools; teaching my own kids was a natural fit for me.

Besides the daily agenda of schoolwork, there are also meals to create, dishes to do, floors to sweep and laundry to . . . ignore (Who am I kidding? Laundry sucks.) I know there are special unicorns out there who receive an endorphin rush when they match socks. I am not this creature.

Yesterday I got a lot of writing done during the kids’ martial arts, which was fantastic. One of the kids played MineCraft on my phone while the other two were in class, and then the other two finished up their schoolwork while the one kid was in class. Win-win, all around.

Task #1: Accomplished.

After classes were over, we hopped in the car and headed over to Target for a new coffee pot.

See, we can’t keep a coffee pot as a long-term relationship option. It doesn’t matter what brand, style, warranty, store or even the barometric pressure. Our coffee pot will die.

The last episode of “MyCoffeePot & Me” aired 2 years ago when I woke up to an unresponsive pot. I tenderly serenaded its one button (“this is your purpose in liiiiiife!”). We had traveled over an hour to go to a specialty store to pick up this “guaranteed” coffee pot with “gravity drip system” (gravity, people). I was enormously displeased that it failed me; one among many others on a long list of coffee pots who have also failed me.

So, off we went to Target. I got a cheap, $19 purple coffee pot. It is going to break, most likely, because they all break, and at least I am only out $19. That’s like, 3 lattes. I figured it was a good deal. Plus, it was purple.

Yes, I took a picture of my purple coffee pot.

And Instagrammed it. Because.

Now, for context, we drink way more coffee than the average person.

As a SAHM, I know for a fact that I drink more than most SAHM’s in America.

I just like coffee. Black coffee. A lot. Granted, over the years I have tried to cut down. I don’t need my heart skipping down the lane just because I have had too much coffee. So, two cups in the morning, sometimes three. One or two cups in the afternoon. Sometimes Irish Coffees at night. That isn’t unreasonable, I don’t think. It isn’t 10+ cups a day or anything (*cough* college *cough*)

Back to yesterday: After two years, the remarkable purple coffee pot finally broke. It is understandable, since they all leave us at some point. You never know when it will happen though, so you are never prepared for it when the time comes.

Yesterday, I filled the purple reservoir with purified water. I placed the basket of Folgers grinds into the basket, and I pushed its one button: START.

Now, this was—seriously—a basic coffee pot. It heated the water, it dripped the water and the carafe caught the dripping coffee. It had one button to start the process, and it was the same button to end the process. Uncomplicated. Unsophisticated. No challenges. It started and stopped. If we ignored it, it did nothing but the last request we asked of it (we may have left it on for over 12 hours a few times).

Though, yesterday, the pot may have turned the little white “ON” light, but it never heated the water. It never dripped over the grounds. It never dripped into the glass carafe. The lit “ON” button was a glowing white lie. The water just sat in the reservoir, and the coffee grounds sat in their basket. Never did the two meet.

I was stuck drinking Via all day.

Which, granted, is better than Folger’s Instant French Roast coffee. But it isn’t the same, and by the time I got to Target at 5 pm I was tired.

Very tired.

So tired, that I was walking through the parking lot of Target pushing a shopping cart, and I saw a car had their headlights on. I said, “Oh shoot, I forgot to turn mine on!” Then I actually reached to turn on the headlights of my cart.

I needed help. And I got it on aisle 14.

It was nice to get home and brew a normal pot of coffee yesterday evening. I felt back to my normal self after a cup and a half in front of a fire. It was lovely.

. . .

This morning was quite different than yesterday morning.

I woke up to brewed coffee. Be still, my uncaffeinated heart.

You see, this new coffee pot has an “AUTO” button. And a clock. You can get these two things to work together, apparently, to brew coffee on demand. I am happy. So happy. Caffeinated tears of joy.

During the day, however, the coffee pot would turn itself off after 2 hours.

“Did you turn the pot off?”

“No, I thought you turned it off?”

“Is it turning off on its own after 2 hours??”

“Dude, that is messed up. We didn’t ask it to turn off. It should ask us before it makes that decision!”

“I know! I wasn’t ready to be done with this pot yet. There is still 6 cups of coffee left in there, and now it is cold. This is plain manipulation of our coffee pot.”

“This is messed up.”

Friends, I learned about my entitled, jerk self today when I became upset and felt manipulated when my coffee pot chose to turn itself off without consulting me first.

I’m not sure what this says about me, exactly.

But I am giving my manipulative coffee pot the evil eye when it gets to about 8 cups now.

I might need to work on my control issues.

Oh, shut up and drink your coffee.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-chili Cornbread C-C-C-C-C-Combo

On April 21, 2015 By Tamarah RockwoodIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Tamarah

I have made this a few times, and I FINALLY remembered to take some pictures for a post!

This is a pretty amazing lunch dish, so I would highly recommend it.

Super easy comfort food.

5/5 kids agree.

And 1 husband.

Here We Go!

Ingredients

Cornbread-

2 cups flour
1.5 cups cornmeal
3 tbsp shortening
1/2 cup sugar
3 tbsp baking powder
1 tsp kosher salt
2 cups milk

Combine all in a Kitchen Aid and mix until well combined.

Pour into sprayed muffin tin or casserole dish, and top with chili…before baking. You are going to be baking the chili into the cornbread.

400F for 20 minutes.

Enjoy!

Down HomeChili-

4 cups of dried pinto beans (do. not. use. beans. from. a. can.) …

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I Have Just Discovered What I Want To Be When I Grow Up.

On April 20, 2015 By Tamarah RockwoodIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Mazing.

(link)

Who Are You? : Hey There, Champ.

On April 18, 2015 By Tamarah RockwoodIn As A WomanLeave a comment

Ahh, Saturday mornings.

Granted, it is now Saturday afternoon for me…but I thoroughly enjoyed my Saturday morning while it lasted.

I had a little coffee, made a little breakfast (you just can’t go wrong with scrambled eggs and provolone on toast), and ignored the laundry. Hey, it’s not going anywhere. Yet.

I don’t know what we have in mind for the day, exactly. It is a beautiful sunny day, and we might go explore a pond later. We are all getting over a little cold, and finally starting to feel better so I think it would be good for all of us to get out of the house for a little bit. Good stretch of the legs.

In the meantime, how about some personality quizzes to round out the day??

Let’s go!

Which Hobbit Character Are You?

I am not Galadriel?? 😦

Well, it is probably for the best. I don’t know if I should have that much power. I think Bard is the best answer, albeit a little fishy.

You are Bard!

Although you find it hard to trust others, you care a lot about your family and will do anything to protect them. You are a little reckless but you are kindhearted and many people look up to you. All in all, you are a very courageous person.

Which Animal Do You Transform Into?

I’m okay with this.

Wolf

You have a beautiful soul and you love to be round loads of family members but when it comes to dinner time you will grab as much as you can before the rest of the family have at it. but you always protect your family and your friends from the unwanted visitors even if they hardly leave you any food at the buffets. you are strong and you’ll never give up fighting for whats right, you are loyal to loved ones to the end you hopeless romantic you!

Do You Really Have Perfect English Skills?

Baby, my degree is in English Skillz. I got this covered.

BOOYA.

Grammar Slammer

Exemplary, my liege! Your mastery of American English is unparalleled (not unparalelled as so many would believe) and your abundant knowledge is greatly appreciated (what, with there being a societal deprivation of such). Your innate intelligence is applied dutifully and naturally to such concepts as predicates, complements, objects, nouns, verbs, adjectives, and -GASP- spelling words correctly and/or using them in proper context! We bow to you, Grammar Master! Carry thy banner high and mighty!

What Do People Love About You?

Probably not my grammar nazi skillz 😉

What a boring answer. My honesty? I can honestly tell you this was a disappointing answer. I thought people might love me because of my charisma, or my charm, or that I remind them of an ancient Druid queen or something. Something a little more exciting than “honesty.”

Although.

You certainly have more interesting conversations, the more honest they are. You know what I mean?

Your honesty!

People love you for your honesty!They will always come for you when they want an honest opinion! They admire you for not sugarcoating and telling the whole truth instead! You always seek justice it amazes them! But be careful and don’t let it hurt people’s feelings too! Other than that, keep it up!

Which Nickname Is Perfect For You?

Naturally, the only thing I think of is Bilbo’s riddle when I hear “Champ”:

Thirty white horses on a red hill,
First they champ,
Then they stamp,
Then they stand still.

Champ

Go get ’em champ! You are a natural born leader who knows how to overcome any challenge! You are competitive and love winning so this nickname is perfect for you!

What Kind Of Literature Lover Are You?

This doesn’t surprise me. Reading is fun 🙂

Well-rounded Bibliophile

You never understand people who read only one genre. You’ll read anything that you can get your hands on. You love being whisked away to imaginary worlds in futuristic novels, and remaining firm on the ground in biographies of people who changed the world. You can be inspired, provoked to think, and spurred to love deeper.Some books to consider if you haven’t already: Go Set A Watchman by Harper Lee, The Residence by Kate Andersen Brower, and The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins.

I Require For Myself A Proper Sitting Room

On April 17, 2015 By Tamarah RockwoodIn As A Woman, Book & Movie Reviews, UncategorizedLeave a comment

A project I am slowly plotting to begin is the construction of my proper Sitting Room.

I believe if every woman needs A Room of One’s Own, then my room should be a Sitting Room, in which I shall fervently read on a big squishy chair in the afternoon sunlight, and consequently in which to also fall asleep in said chair, with said book.

However, the construction of the perfect Sitting Room requires a thorough understanding of its purpose, and some forethought into the planning.

This is the Lincoln Room in the White House Museum.

Yes, yes. Planning a Sitting Room based on the designs of the White House Museum might be a little much, in comparison to my meager empty breakfast nook that I am planning on transforming. But I think raising the bar can be a good thing, don’t you? At least it is giving me a destination on which to set my sights.

The breakfast nook in my house is the most perfect Sitting Room on earth. It is small and cozy, but not too small, and not too cozy. It faces southeast, so it gathers the morning and afternoon sun. It is bright, comfortable, sunny and just begging to be made into a Sitting Room with two big, squishy chairs, in which to sink and read books, and a low coffee table, on which to hold coffee, and probably my feet.

You can feel the sunlight already…I might need to make some coffee. I’m getting sleepy just looking at this.

For a little while I believed I should go the conventional route and actually put in the space a round breakfast nook table with some matching chairs; but, I just can’t do it. It is too conventional, and this space is too perfect for reading, and I cannot let this opportunity go.

So, with all this being said, here are some ideas I had:

This is the Pinterest page I have for my Sitting Room idea.

A couple things that I liked, in particular:

I like the layout of the chairs and table here, but it is feels a little cold.

I like the warm coziness here, but I don’t like how stiff the chairs look or the open space in front of the chairs. It is a warm feeling, but not cozy enough.

I like how this room feels. It’s warm, casual, lots of squishy pillows and comfortable. I could easily see myself reading many books in a space like this. However, I’m afraid I could lose my books/keys/shoes/phone/kids in the jumble, so it might not be a good idea, exactly.

So, these are the plans I have so far. We’ll see what I can find!

Life in the Country

On April 16, 2015 By Tamarah RockwoodIn As A Woman, Uncategorized1 Comment

Just taking a walk down our road.

I don’t think we are living “in the country,” per se.

Especially since we are surrounded by trees and not farms, which is what I think “living in the country” means. Although it is a little rural where we live, granted; but not as rural as Eastern Washington, for comparison. The island still has paved roads (in some places), grocery stores, pizza places, pubs and gas stations. Some parts have sidewalks and lampposts, but I believe those are so the tourists don’t get lost in the woods (as some of us have a tendancy to do). Granted, our house is in one of the more “remote” northern areas on this little island, so there is that to consider. I think we are in the equivalent of the Scottish Highlands, which is more “in the sticks,” in comparison to the Scottish Lowlands, with more of an urban feel to the cities.

Funny enough, the Scottish Highlands has the same Hardiness Zone for gardening as we do, so that gives you an idea of how wet/cold/wonderful it is here.

There are certainly things this island is “missing,” although I will be the first to declare that I actually do not miss them at all: there is no Target on the island, Costco is 40 minutes away from us on the mainland, and we have one very empty McDonalds which fills the spot as the only fast food restaurant on the island. If you would like to go out to dinner, you aren’t going to find an Applebees; no, you are going to go to a locally-owned joint that uses food from local farms. There is a local distillery on the island, and a local bakery uses their spent grains. Instead of more car washes, you will find more public gardens in empty spaces.

So, I guess we’re a little country.

Nevertheless, we keep finding these little things about living here, on a personal level, that keep making me say, “well, life in the country.” Like, going to the local lumberyard for gravel to fill the potholes in our dirt road. Or being on a shared well, and then being a part of well politics (I think we need a new pump). The policies of easements along driveways, and the very scandalous “on leash” and “off leash” dog wars battling out on local beaches and parks. (this is a very serious battle here, not to be taken lightly).

Plus, we have traded in our rather pedestrian, run-of-the-mill axes for “northern european forestry” axes; which has made Ben’s life worthwhile. They are pretty Boss axes.

Here are a few cases of country life in our home:

I can wash the dishes if the washing machine isn’t running, otherwise I cannot get enough water through the faucet to wash anything (life with a well).
The water pressure tends to vary in the shower, unaided. So when the pressure is very low, you wash your face. When it is higher, you wash your hair. You adjust as the water adjusts.
We cannot run the vacuum in the schoolroom if the lights and space heater are turned on in Ben’s detatched office, or we will throw a breaker.
The coffee pot and electric kettle cannot be plugged into the same outlet, and run simultaneously, or we will throw a breaker and we won’t be able to open the garage door, either.
We originally brought our cats into our home in CA to fight the mouse/rat infestation. They did a swell job in CA, but have yet to bring home a mouse here in WA. No, they have moved their sights on to shrews. We have had quite a few gifts of dead shrews on our doorstep, thanks to our very loving cats.
We cannot walk through our backyard without wearing boots, or our shins will be whipped with stinging nettles (there is a nettle cull on the horizon)
I used to worry about my neighbors’ dogs pooping in our front yard. Now, I am watching mother deer walk through our front yard with her babies, and poop next to our treehouse.
During the day (and night, for that matter) I do not hear any cars, sirens, generators, freeways, house/car alarms, screeching tires, peel-outs, backfiring cars, racing cars, gunshots, loud music, loud motorcycles, tractors or horns. Just birds and wind.

Life in the country!

We Have Been Assimilated (to the weather)

On April 16, 2015 By Tamarah RockwoodIn As A WomanLeave a comment

Don’t let that crisp blue sky and beautiful spring forest fool you.

It was hailing just the other day, and it was freezing outside.

It has been cold in my forest these days.

Really cold.

The other day we were trying to show my Dad around, and went to one of our favorite beaches here on the island. It was a little overcast, and a little chilly at first, but nothing serious. Maybe mid-50s with a little breeze. We tiptoed across tidepool stones, trying not to step in the anemones nor in the puddles, looking for crabs and starfish when suddenly the temperature plummeted. The wind picked up and found its way through the necklines of our jackets. We were trying to play it off, not wanting to be the party-pooper who suggests we go back to our very warm car, but none of us were playing the part very well. Our arms were huddled The storm clouds crept into our view, and we suddenly knew:

We gotta get out of there.

We high-tailed it off the beach as quickly as we could, without squishing the anemones or tripping onto barnacle-clad rocks (that hurts. so much. Would not do again.) And as soon as we got into the car, it started hailing and kept hailing for a good long time.

Still, as soon as it was finished the sky cleared and it was back to cold and sunny.

Ahh, “weather.” We had a little bit of weather in CA, but nothing this dynamic. Sometimes it would rain in CA, but it was a conversational rain.

weather: “I do believe I am getting the itch to rain.”

us: “That sounds great! So, when do you think you might begin raining?”

weather: “Hmmm. I just don’t know. Maybe today. Maybe this week.”

us: “So, should we mow our lawns now, or do you think we could wait a while before the rain starts?”

weather: “…I don’t know. I just feel the itch to rain; I don’t know when I am going to rain. I just kinda feel like it.”

us: “Okay. So, maybe we will wait until after it rains to wash our cars then?”

weather: “Why you gotta be all up on me like this? I just feel like it! I can’t commit to rain, I just feel like rain! Man, you got me so flustered, I am going to be windy for a week and then not rain at all. How about that?”

That is California weather.

This is how well we have assimilated to WA weather:

It is 55F outside, and the kids just came back inside after playing in the backyard in barefeet, which is our natural form, and are now doing their History with the doors open because “it is such a beautiful day.”

55F in California is just short of a blizzard. People bring their potted plants inside, and make sure their dogs are sitting inside, warmly next to the heater vent with them. This is a new season for us, indeed.

On April 15, 2015April 20, 2015 By Tamarah RockwoodIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Pineapple Rocketships

On April 14, 2015 By Tamarah RockwoodIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Tamarah

I just made these for the kids for dinner, and I’m going to be straight with you:

It is totally awesome.

This is an easy meal, it is a healthy meal, and inexpensive meal…and it is kind of off the charts with how fun it is.

I was originally going to call it a boat, but one of the kids said it looked more like a rocketship blasting off, so they are Pineapple Rocketships!