Preparing For The Blizzard. In California.

The Snopocalypse is upon our nation.

 

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Everyone is being warned to stay inside, do not leave your home, do not drive, bicycles have been outlawed and only outlaws will have bicycles.  Make sure you have food and water (and beer) stocked for a few days.  Dogs and cats living together…So many warnings…

Well, not on the West Coast, we aren’t.

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Just remember, West Coast folks: you may have the burning desire to rub it in how good we have it over here, with our Fashionably Ripped Denim in December, our Jaunty Jackets in January,  Flip Flops in February.  Who cares??  We’re West Coast, baby.

…but this blizzard isn’t going to last forever, my friends, and soon their airports will be functioning again.  They will fly en masse to find us and beat the sunshine out of our smug, organic grins.  And they will steal our flip flops in spite.

 

So, do our East Coast bretheren a favor: be prepared for their utter, soul-crushing boredom while they wait the blizzard out in their barricaded homes.

These aren’t snowmen.  These are just the East Coast folks who tried to get their mail in the morning after the blizzard.

 

1. Your Friends On The East Coast Are Stuck Inside For A Week.  They Are Bored.  Be Prepared.

These guys have nothing better to do than watch the snow fall, and the wind blow the trees onto their power lines and kill their main source for entertainment.

Do them a favor and have some stuff to talk about while they are sitting in the dark, wondering why they haven’t moved to the West Coast.

Get their minds moving:

  • Send them Facebook quizzes hourly.
          –Brainfall
          –BuzzFeed
          –Zimbio
  •  Cheer them up with funky YouTube videos.  

2. Netflix Marathon Ideas

Start with:

  • StarTrek TOS
  • StarTrek TNG
  • DeepSpace 9
  • followed by Voyager

Once you are done with these, go through:

  • Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)
    Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)
    Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (1984)
    Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986)
    Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989)
    Star Trek: Generations (1994)
    Star Trek: First Contact (1996)
    Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)
    Star Trek: Into Darkness (2013)

You should be through the blizzard by the time Benedict Cumberbatch takes over the starship.

I’m sure there are other ideas for Netflix marathons…but honestly, you can’t get better than starting with Kirk, a little Picard in the middle and ending with Benedict.

You just can’t.

 

3. Their Kids Are Going Bonkers.  Help A Parent Out.  Ideas For The Kids Who Are Stuck Inside Too.

 

  • Arts and crafts. Now, before you freak out about the glitter, glue, scissors and paper cuttings that are going to destroy your kitchen…make it easy on yourself.  Make your own Play-Dough or finally make the melted crayon art thing.
  • Bake or cook.  Let Alton Brown lead the way.
  • Build a fort. You know how to do this.  Either use couch cushions, or put a blanket over the kitchen table.
  • Computer games. Breaking Orbits (mine) has a great video page for kids to play around. PBS Kids lets younger ones play with Curious George and Daniel Tiger, and Nick Games has the Power Rangers to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  Disney Jr. has Sophia the First, Doc McStuffins, etc.
  • Video games. Play with them…no bogarting the controller!

 

4. Karaoke…For You And The Kids

The last one is just evil.

 

5. And Finally…Help The Baby Boom That’s Coming In 9 Months

 

Listen.

I know what happens when the power goes out.

 

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Brought to you by Oxford Dictionary Baby Name Generator 

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