“In the village of Badbea in Caithness the conditions were so harsh that, while the women worked, they had to tether their sheep and even their children to rocks or posts to prevent them being blown over the cliffs.”
These are magic salt and pepper shakers. You fill the star with salt or pepper and can then shake the magic wand over your food and then magically sprinkle magic fairy dust upon your now magical dish.
I bought these for myself for Christmas and promptly sprinkled my magic wands over Christmas dinner. To say it was supremely awesome is putting it lightly!
A few years ago I decided that I needed to theme my years. Not give myself resolutions to never fulfill (exercising, I’m looking at you), but an overall theme for the year. The first theme was “Write a Bood Story.” I’m a writer by nature, so the idea of looking at the year as an outline was brilliant. What would I want to include in my story? What would I leave out? How would I shape the year to write a better story?
This idea ended up precluding the aspect of writing a better story every day. What would I want in the day to make it a better story? Wasting time reading on the internet while I should be working with the kids, or taking care of something in the house, or spending time with people…was not writing a better story. Ignoring the dishes so I became irritated when they were out of control was also not writing a better story. The focus of “Write a Better Story” was a great way to refocus what I did that year.
The next year was “A Bigger World,” where we focused on serving others outside our home, followed by “Love” last year.
“Love” was an amazing year because I really had to hone into how to love people who were unloveable. It is easy to love people you like, but how can you find a way…a safe way…to love people who are unloveable? It was a challenge, to say the least, but it was totally worth it.
Because I tend to prefer the hermit lifestyle (cabin in the woods, anyone?), finding ways for me to love people without compromising my introverted-self is a delicate task. When I think of “loving people,” I tend to think of someone saying: “…and then we did this together, and then we had a 2 hour talk over lunch, and then I brought them dinner, and then we played Scrabble all night, and then I served their family, and then I spent the weekend with them, and then….” I get overwhelmed thinking about how I can serve the people and calling it love. But that’s not it at all.
To love someone means you understand them, and you love them on their terms. My very good friends love me on my terms, and they mostly leave me alone (truth). I do not like being meddled with, and although I am very interested in discovering new ideas I am a fierce porcupine if I feel I am being forced into new ideas. I love on very delicate and tactful terms, but when I do it is very deep and sincere love.
Other people love on different planes: There was a woman I knew who could work a whole room of dozens of people, talk with each person, hold their babies, find everything funny, hold insightful conversations, get to know about their lives…for hours. I was impressed every time I watched her, it was just amazing. Some people need to talk about themselves, and it doesn’t occur to them to engage the other person. They are hyper-focused on what is important to them, and you engage them on that level. Some people take a long time to open up due to trust issues: you show me that I can trust you, and then we’ll talk. Sometimes minutes, sometimes hours…sometimes years. But you have to let them trust on their own terms, you can’t force love.
The year of “Love” was fascinating, but at the end of it I was ready to find something new. Something fresh. Something silly….
The theme of 2014 is “Silly, but with the purpose of connecting while being silly.” I need things to lighten up; I know I over-think homeschooling and all my tasks I put on my plate during the day, and I self-judge myself into critic-oblivion far too much. I need to add more joy to the day, more smiles, more happiness in what we are doing.
But for the purpose of connecting with people.
My goal is to be sillier this year in order to share joy with my kids, with my husband, with my good friends. I don’t want to put people, or myself, off by being reckless and silly (“hey, let’s jump off a cliff!!” is not silly, for example). I want to be silly in a way that binds me with the people close to me. I want to increase the element of happiness in our relationship.
So, we’ll see what happens this year! If anything, I can wave my magic wands and make things taste better, and that’s a good start!
So, now that it is the last day of January, how did I do?
1. I finished sewing applique` projects! Woohoo!
2. I haven’t even logged into Etsy all month. Boo on that.
3. Huge progress here. It took a couple weeks to get back on track and finish all our work every day, but it was well worth the effort. I personally don’t mind when things get hard during homeschooling. The days when subtraction is something that was designed in the stone age and we were just discovering fire, the days when the only thing the kids are doing is spacing out and staring longingly at the sunshine outside; the days when it’s 3 in the afternoon and you are still working on the first subject….those days are rough.
BUT- those days force you to rethink what you’re doing. If your lesson plans are not engaging the child, and not engaging you, then you have to toss that lesson plan. Just crumble it up and toss it right out the window. Do something else. What I did was set the entire day of Monday aside for “Arts, &etc.” German, piano, sketching, color theory and documentaries are on Monday. This opens up the rest of the week to academics.
I originally had the kids practice face sketching so their motor controls would be trained, and it would improve their handwriting. What is surprising is the advances they made with sketching. We went from this
to this
in a couple weeks! That is AWESOME.
The curriculum we use has 12 little books per subject, instead of one big book, so it makes accomplishing the books much more satisfying…and palatable. This month the kids have finished many books, which is super exciting.
We also started open registration EPGY, which I have been looking at for a while, and it has replaced time4learning.com as an educational supplement (just covering all our bases to make sure we are actually learning up to standard). I was a little worried when we first started because I haven’t had the kids test to see if they are on track with their grade level. We use curriculum for their grade level, and we use the STAR test printouts to see what needs to be revisited, but nothing has ever been official. So signing up for an online course from Stanford that was designed for homeschoolers was a little trepidatious.
I am so happy (ECSTATIC) to report that the kids are getting 90%-100% on the subjects. WHEW!! They also love the way it’s laid out. It’s very quick review of the subject, and then you work. I didn’t know how that would go, but it turns out to be exactly what they need.
So, #3 – check!
4) Besides this week, where I have only run 1.5 miles, I’m doing good. Averaging +3 miles a week. I’m still not a size 10 (or 12), but Progress is progress.
5) No luck on the garden, but it’s still there. Looking at me. Longingly.
6) The blogging is certainly doing better. December was a little tough to find time to write anything, and once January came I had a big case of, “what on earth do I even write about,” but I persevered and kept at it. Blog Her Convention in the future…?
7) Well, obviously no 10K run this month. That’s a case of “I’ll do it tomorrow.”
8) Attending the Blog Her Conference- TBD
9) “A scheduled plan at the beginning of every month” I think this is something I forgot about, and I’m looking forward to writing out the scheduled plan for February. I can plan a week just fine, but a whole month is daunting. That will be this weekend’s project!
10) I would like to be less lazy and more deliberate…but also more relational and less task-oriented
This was the big one for me. If I accomplished nothing else on my list, I at least wanted to accomplish this one.
I am definitely more initially task focused than people focused, and I can get lost in checking off lists during the day; especially with homeschooling. I’m pretty sure this is more common than not with homeschooling moms: “Do X and Y and Z, and when you’re done with that, we will finish G, H and J.” That’s all good and well for finishing subjects, but if you ignore the child while you finish your task list (because it can become your list instead of their list, if you’re not careful!), you’re missing out on the relational gems of homeschooling.
This month I have made a deliberate point to work with the kids more, sit with them for some subjects, work on the white board with them through tough fractions and sentence diagrams (I need a white board marker fund…for serious). Nova and I have had a couple nights of writing sessions at Starbucks together, which was a lot of fun. She is building a recipe book for herself, and I am pulling my hair out over my organizational skillz on tamarah.org.
So, all in all, it has been a really successful month! I’ve stayed on track, made good progress, I feel good….AND I am on top of the laundry!! BONUS!
which I had been a part of for a few months, in another town. Small world! Being the introvert, nee` hermit, I was happy to see her but a little hesitant to bring her housewarming cookies, so to speak.
But she pranced up to my doorstep with great enthusiasm and told me all about her idea of starting a science group on Wednesdays; which was fine with me. I have kids a little older than hers, and I have more than twice the amount of kids that she does and we have a daily schedule starting with chores, breakfast, school, lunch, school, martial arts, etc. Our days are pretty packed, but I can rearrange our science times; that is the luxury of homeschooling, after all!
She lent me a few books she intended to use for the class, and once I ordered them for my brood I walked down to her house to return them.
Now, this day…and this doesn’t happen every day…but on this day, during this short walk, I realized myself. This was a little glaring, since I have 5 Bajillion distractions at home to keep this from happening, but as I was walking down the street by myself, I had nothing keeping it from happening very suddenly.
I realized I was wearing an old, floral, cotton knit halter top maternity dress being pinned together above my breasts by a safety pin. Under the safety pin was no bra holding the girls up…there was nothing at all. And was barefoot, which I don’t entirely have a problem with…but I’m also a little on the “granola” side, so I wear shoes out “for social graces, only.”
Normally I encourage the people in my house to get dressed, preferably in normal clothes that match, but we live in the heart of California and it was the middle of August: it was a wee warm out, and my sole purpose in surviving the heat was to wear the least amount of clothes as possible; within the parameters of modesty, and a little dash of self-respect.
I believe I had forgotten that last “dash,” but I was already at her house by this time. I had to believe that I was simply dropping these books off, and quickly, and she will not have time to notice anything missing. Like a bra (listen, if I was a smaller lady this wouldn’t be a problem. But I am a heaping spoonful of woman with noticeable features, and bras make a big difference; especially if they aren’t there).
She came to the door after I had reluctantly knocked upon it, and she was very polite and thanked me for returning the books, further expressing her excitement about the impending science class.
So far so good, just add the common pleasantries to end the conversation and I should be good to go.
And then she said,”would you like to come in?”
I cannot express enough the conflict I have within myself, one side urging me to be more social and enjoying spending idle time with women, and the other side hiding under a thatched hut with flaming spears, blaring music and “Beware of Dog. And Owner” signs hanging forlornly on the fence. My personality is about as introverted as you get. I don’t not like people. I like people very much. I like people in scheduled times so I can prepare myself for social interactions, and for somewhat brief amounts of time; some briefer than others. Church on Sunday lasts about 5 hours, with the mingling, the sermon, the mingling after and typically a social hang out at the local park until mid-afternoon. That is our normal Sunday schedule, and I am prepared for it. I am prepared to be around people I like, who give me coffee and lovely conversations, and I am prepared to be exhausted when I get home.
Unexpected visits to another woman’s house is different though. I don’t know what we’re going to talk about, I don’t know how long I’m staying, I don’t know if she is busy doing something or has to go somewhere soon, I don’t know if I’ve stayed too long. All this is being calculated in my head as she leads me to the kitchen and offers me a glass of water…when she sits down at the table.
Okay. I’m a grown woman with a college degree, a fruitful career before having children, and I have studied the art of small talk. I can talk to a housewife. Hell, I’m a housewife. I can do this.
I sit down, and we have a lovely discussion of births and pregnancies and homeschooling. Pretty general topics that are akin to noting the weather by now. I’m not terribly fond of discussing my pregnancies and births, mainly because I have discussed them so many times before in similar situations that I believe there must be life beyond these subjects; but it is more important to save my calloused, controversial, ragey conversations for my close friends and be gentle with the rest.
We finish up our water and she gives me a tour of her house. I am noting the similarities in our houses, and suddenly get this wild idea to invite her over to see my house!
I take this younger mother two doors down and just as I start to open my front door, I remember that realization of myself I had earlier. That moment when I realized I was not dressed to visit anyone. A similar moment happens as the door is fully opened, and I see the heaps of clean laundry on the middle of the stairs, and I realize: I should have kept my big, optimistic mouth shut.
We walk past the schoolroom that has construction paper and school books strewn across the desks and oozing onto the paint stained carpet. I show her into my purple kitchen, which I painted in a frenzied nesting phase during pregnancy #4, which I had also neglected to clean, and turned her to see the darker purple living room with blankets from morning cartoons with the younger unit of children. We walk through the library which has the computers and the train table that seems to pull odd small toys into and onto it as if like a nebular cloud. I show her upstairs, as we ignore the clean mountain of clothes, and I have a crashing wave of hostile regret as I realize the 1 year old has been trying to change her diapers again, and the diaper bin had been knocked over and there were dirty diapers strewn in the hallway.
Oh yes. Diapers everywhere.
I can almost feel her body start to retreat into itself, remembering the good times in her clean home with spotless hardwood floors and closed bins of LEGOs lining a corner of her living room. The sparking clean, and bare, kitchen counters she has. The lawn in the backyard that is actually green, and not sprinkled with a tornado of tricycles and dolls.
At this point in my life, I have two options: Option 1 is to apologize for the state of the house, and suggest she visit at another time when we are more prepared for guests (insert laugh here).
Of course I didn’t take this option. I choose Option 2: ignore the messes, pretend my house is fine and proceed to show her the blazing pink and green walls I had given my kids for their bedrooms, and all the hand painted figures and stencils I placed upon this beautiful paint. Princesses, unicorns and random African animals for the girls, Tyrannosaurus Rexes, reptiles and cars for the boys.
Hey, let’s go in my room and I can show you the oddly large closet I have! It used to be my sewing room, it’s so big, but I couldn’t hear the kids downstairs so I had to move my desk. Still ignoring the ridiculous amount of laundry we are stepping over.
By this time she had fully had enough, and nervously said, “I was going to go to the store, so I have to go.” Oh look at the time!
Still in my delusional haze, I cheerfully said it was so nice to see her and we should get together again sometime!
It was only after she left that my protective guard finally fell off in a crumbling facade. I shut the front door after my dazed visitor left, and I was alone again in my old, floral maternity dress. Still braless, and now with the added burden of realizing that despite my prolific gifts in the arts and creative subjects…I may not be at the top of the class with domestic wizardry. Which is really what it feels like some days. How do you do leaf prints in salt-flour clay, math, language arts, spelling, 1/2 hour of reading, German lessons, history, science, cursive, martial arts, sundry outside events which pop up…and keep up with the laundry? It takes me 3 loads of dishes a day to keep up, and there are quite a few days when I can only muster 2. The 1 year old got into the raisins while we were doing our lessons, and I keep picking even more off my calloused foot the further I venture into the kitchen. Although I wiped down the windows and glass doors in the kitchen and living room, I only did the inside, so the other side is still mottled with dog prints, kid prints, mud and oatmeal.
It was about 5 p.m. by then, and the kids were all happily occupied with their projects in the library. My husband, who works from home, found me sitting outside when he was done with work, sipping a Blue Moon and staring glassy-eyed into the lawn.
“What happened to you?”
I explain what happened, and he cringed in empathy. It was just one of those days when you don’t invite anyone over, and my albatross of guilt was pretty heavy.
“You just won’t believe how clean her floors were. Her boys were playing with like, 2 LEGOs. They had, like, a bookshelf.” (as opposed to our walls flanked with at least 10, and many shelves are double booked).
I couldn’t compare with her. She won the domestic homefront, and I embarassed her greatly by introducing her to my whirlwind of artistic projects and crazy endeavors.
Slowly, my husband helped me crawl out of the box of domestic shame and remember what we do well. We do kids well, and we do a lot of kids even better. We do organizational chaos well. We have a million projects going at all times, and that means there will be some messes here and there, and there are days when we don’t keep up with the kitchen. But we always bootstrap up and finish our work, feed our kids, give them a big heaping of education, have numerous social events during the week, and we’re all happy and healthy. That’s not too bad, now is it?
And I had to realize myself.
I had to not only accept, but like, myself. I actually really like this floral, halter maternity dress. It’s very light and flowy and perfect during the summer. I love being able to go barefoot. I love all of our projects, and I love seeing what we accomplish.
I even like my jumping 3 month old black lab foster dog (he’s doing better, even though we’ve lost a few chickens to him playing fetch with them).

17 was a monumental milestone for me – the last year of childhood.
27 was a milestone to hit, and I can’t really tell you why. But at 27 I just felt like I was actually starting down the path I was destined for. College was over, I had 2 kids and an awesome husband, a good life and a good idea of what I wanted to do.
30 was also a monumental year, since it was then that we decided to have some more kids, I started homeschooling, we actually *bought* a house, which I never thought would ever happen in my lifetime. This was a good year to set some stones in the road.
But 35….I am going into our 6th year of homeschooling, we have 5 adorable kids, husband is still totally amazing and I can fit into a couple (large) pre-pregnancy dresses! Man that took a lot of work, but WooHoo!!
35 is when I feel like I really start aging, and I am so freaking excited about this.
I have like, gray hairs! On my head! And one somewhere else. That one is weird.
I have wrinkles underneath my eyes when I smile!
I can’t lose 5 pounds by cutting out the extra Snickers bar I sneak in, which was so much easier when I was 22, but now I actually have to WORK at being healthy!
I know all this seems odd, and maybe even peculiar, so I’ll explain my logic here:
My mother, my grandmother, my aunt, other women in my life who have grown old have experienced these things as well. They have used support hose, not to make themselves look thinner, but to hold in their varicose veins. They have opted for a large glass of Metamucil and Motrin at night, instead of a glass of wine. They look at breakfast cereals that have extra fiber, and are happy about it.
The women in my life wore beige satin camisoles, slips and bras. It was the uniform color of femininity, when I was little. All their undergarments smelled like gardenias, from the bags of potpourri they had stashed in the back of their drawers.
I remember the nights when the women would get together with a bottle (or two) of red wine, an oven full of garlic bread, pots overflowing with spaghetti and a night of Dallas.
They were in their 30s when I remember this, and their models helped shaped what I’ve always dreamed of:
Being 35, and rocking 5 inch heels with skin tight leather pants and a Corvette.
Now…the leather pants and Corvette are a little out of the question by now, but the dream lives on. My childbearing years are over, my college has been finished for many years, my husband and I are still rocking the house and our kids are just amazing us every day with something new.
35 is a GREAT year, and I have the shoes to prove it.
Eggs are definitely high on the list of obvious perks. Chickens start laying after 5 or 6 months, roughly, so it took until summer to start getting eggs; but I was so new to this, I honestly had no idea what to do with the eggs (yes, really).

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