It is Monday afternoon, and I am about a third of the way through completing what I need to do for today.
I thought I’d take a break…and frame my week before I keep going.
At least before I make another pot of coffee…
Last week was really good…but also really hard. Ben was gone for a very long time, doing super-awesome Ben stuff, and although I was just having a normal week at home with the kids and I wasn’t doing anything particularly extraordinary…it is harder without having him around to keep me going. When he is gone I don’t have the encouraging smile. I can’t talk to him during the day, I can’t cuddle with him on the couch. The nights are cold and lonely. And, to make it worse, the app Find Friends is completely unhelpful.
I KNOW HE ISN’T IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SOUND! STOP FREAKING ME OUT!
Thank you, HGTTG.
So, this week we begin again!
We are starting an Algebra book in school today, which is super exciting! It’s a little early, granted, but I have just had this feeling that the older kids were ready to be introduced to it. We have done a few pages so far, and although I had to google “algebraic expression” this morning, they are rolling with it and I think we’re going to do great!
Also, the oldest is getting into this Sherlock Holmes book I found; and I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am about this. But I can’t freak out over it because it might scare her off from reading, so I have to have this calm, yet enthusiastically supportive exterior that shows I am proud of her and not going mad doing cartwheels inside my head.
I’ve done some school work with the younger kids, done 1 (of 3) loads of dishes, made breakfast (cinnamon pancakes), lunch (soup), put on a bra and made coffee.
So, I’m doing pretty good for noon!
The main problem I’m facing right now is the emotional drain that has been slowly creeping over me during the days.
Last week we were going back and forth between our agent, and the sellers agent, and the seller, back to her agent, back to our agent, back to us all about house inspections, and septic inspections, and problems the septic has and what needs to be fixed, and mold problems, and then well inspections, and documentation of well developments. Then signing papers,and resigning, and rewording the papers and changing the figures and signing it again.
Our agent is amazing, and he is doing a fantastic job getting things done quickly and efficiently, and he is making this whole process as easy as possible for us.
But it is still a lot of work for everyone involved, and that is one thing taking its toll on me.
The worst right now is that our community of people have let go of us, and that’s a little sad. We aren’t gone yet, but we will be. So it might be easier for them to let go now.
I have to remind myself, and a few very wonderfully lovely friends whom I love so much and am so grateful to have them in my life have reminded me that even though it is hard to watch some people go, it (and these are my words) doesn’t mean I suck with relationships. It just means sometimes some people are here for a season. And that’s okay. I wasn’t looking forward to saying goodbye, and it isn’t easy when people say goodbye months before you have left…but, honestly, that’s life.
What I am looking forward to is where we are going.
We have already made a ton of friends in our new home, we are on the same page with the families there and I have already been invited to coffee when we arrive. My kids keep asking when we can visit friends when we move, and if we can invite them to the next birthday party (yes!!). I am looking forward to getting to know families we already know better, other families who are homeschooling, families who are drawn to island life, and just kick ass people Ben has gotten to know already. It is abundantly clear we are being led to our people, and….although I am trying not to heroize, or immortalize the future…I am still very excited for what it holds for us.
So today, I am going to rip off a tag and take what I need. Just for today. I have a feeling it will be the tag of “courage,” or “healing,” or “understanding.” Tomorrow, I will take what I need to frame the day. Just for tomorrow.